On Michael Bay and Transformers

The news is out, the people have spoken. Many have made it clear that Michael Bay's Transformers: Age of Extinction sucked monkeyballs, to the surprise of no one.

Those of you who have not already seen it, I urge you– please, don't. Don't indulge your morbid curiosity to see how much of a stinker this movie is. Don't justify Michael Bay in telling him that he can get away with his half-assed effort at generating a so-called story. Don't make this any more of a profitable venture than it already is, and please, don't give further patronage to him. This is how this works.

Don't give Bay the smug satisfaction of being able to say "Go on and hate, you'll still see the movie." Give him your stiffest middle finger– give him none of your money.

As a Transformers fan, I can recognize that the first Generation, from which he supposedly draws inspiration, has been silly and schlocky. The franchise has evolved since then. Hell, ever since the 90's with Beast Wars, and one could argue, even with the first movie and in the first cartoon itself, this series that was originally just a vehicle for selling toys was turned into a genuinely good set of stories, with memorable characters with multiple facets.

What have I seen with the Michael Bay movies? Not even the barest understanding of the way the characters worked from the series he supposedly draws inspiration from, barely any character progression at all, only a minimal understanding of storytelling, and an intolerable amount of time spent on the squishy humans nobody actually came to see. That's not even going into the specifics of what was wrong with the first 3 movies. Honestly, there are people who covered this more effectively than I could. You could watch their reviews instead of the movies themselves.

Thankfully, I've kept true to my own principles and didn't see this movie, so I feel none of the guilt of being involved with this travesty. In my eyes, Bay had three chances to prove he could handle this series competently. He almost had some of us convinced with his first attempt, but after 2 and 3, it was settled that he could produce nothing but garbage.

It's over.

I'm done with Bay. I've been done with Bay. I wash my hands of him, not because I hate Transformers, but because I like it too much to see it handled so poorly.

So what will I be doing for my Transformers fix?

I'll be rewatching Transformers: Prime, a cartoon whose storytelling is miles superior to those movies. A series that actually has compelling drama, compelling characters, and a compelling story.

Up yours, Bay. I'm going back to the real Transformers.

Transformers and all related names are property of Hasbro.