Attack On Titan– Pilot

Attack on Investment! Attack on Character! Attack on Giving a Shit!

CAUTION: Spoilers. This is purely an opinion piece. You may not agree with what I have to say. Please keep your disagreements civil and intelligent. Thank you.

As Anime Expo in Los Angeles draws to a close, I can't help but think about how much Attack on Titan stuff I've seen today, and how little I cared. So many cosplayers, so much merchandise, so little of a shit that I give.

I happened to be standing in a line to keep a friend company when we were discussing the show a bit, and how neither of us got past the first episode willingly. Someone in line was shocked, almost offended, that we didn't like what we saw. Two things that he told us stood out to me.

1. "It gets better later on."

2. "Guy's mom gets eaten at the beginning! It's so intense!"

Let me go over what I expect a pilot episode to accomplish and then go over why I don't think this accomplished that.

A pilot episode of a series of any kind should set up the universe, set the tone, and most important, answer the most important questions we'd have about a cast of characters:

Who are you and why should I care?

It sounds sarcastic and caustic, but honestly, any show pilot should be able to answer these questions. A series that doesn't manage to do this really isn't worth your time. The first episode should be what draws you in, especially in a serial format like most anime is today. They're a real investment of time, and if that time's not well-spent, well... Yeah.

I suppose I should give some credit where credit is due. This is a sort of interesting take on having humanity be on its last legs and having humans become the prey of something far bigger than they are. This takes elements from a zombie apocalypse and a kaiju movie and mixes them both together.

Though, on the other hand, this is a big problem for it, too. It's like it's trying to be Death Note, Fullmetal Alchemist, The Walking Dead, and a Godzilla movie all in one go. It spends so much time on the story and setting, yet doesn't spend enough time establishing the status quo for us to care when it gets shattered.

We begin in media res, with a giant man-thing with no skin that's later revealed to be a Titan poking its head over a wall, while our main character, Eren, delivers this little monologue.

"We knew home was a pen, and humanity cattle."

That sounds like it should be a big revelation, right? Like the shattering of a worldview, and a sudden change of direction for the character's beliefs in relation to their place in the universe?

Nope. That's not what we're dealing with here at all.

Eren is one of the main cast, and the character around whom most of the story revolves.

Get used to seeing that mouth open, folks.

The universe also has a rather annoying habit of also revolving around Eren. To demonstrate how the universe feels the need to prove him right at every turn, this episode is devoted to proving that he's right about the titans being dangerous and the giant walled city not going to be safe for them forever. He spends a good chunk of the episode whining and shrieking at people about how nobody's really doing anything about the titan threat and that everyone's stupid for being scared of them.

We really start off with Eren waking up from a bad dream, and with him and Mikasa gathering up firewood outside of a giant walled city. He also insists on telling Mikasa not to tell anyone he was crying. Boo-hoo. 

They get back into the city and remember how I said that he yells at everyone for being too stupid or scared to deal with the titans? He starts by yelling at the guards for drinking on duty. Honestly, if I was in Attack on Titan, I'd be doing a lot of drinking, too. The guards tell him that they do it to keep up their courage, and if the titans really come in force, they're pretty screwed anyway. Eren goes into something about how they should want to have to fight or... Something... Did you really give a shit about what he has to say? He has one note. I just told you what the one note is. That's his dialogue for the whole episode with a few exceptions.

The soldiers try to assure the kid that the fact that they don't have to do their jobs means that things are peaceful, Eren tries to counter with "The peace of cattle." We're going to hear "Cattle" a lot in this episode, so I feel the need to point this out– humans feed cattle. Humans care for cattle. Humans slaughter cattle at a designated time and eat them for nourishment. The titans do none of these things. The titans hunt humans, and it's revealed later on that they do not need to eat humans for nourishment, so the whole "we're the cattle now" metaphor doesn't work here.

In this universe, we are not livestock. We are, at best, prey, and at worst, and probably more likely, we are pests.

Eren goes off to see the scouts return home, the guys responsible for checking out the titans, trying to pre-emptively kill them and do research on them. Though when a troop of them rides back into town, they're all shell-shocked because most of them got eaten by titans.

Yeah, it's almost as if they have a reason to be scared of the giant man-eating monsters. WHO'DA THUNK IT?!

Man, these guys are so scared that the squad leader completely loses his shit when an old woman asks about the fate of her scout son. He even calls his sacrifice worthless, even though it may have even bought them enough time to escape. Good job, guy. Morale is half the battle and you're doing a fantastic job of losing.

I should cut him some more slack. He's shell-shocked and has actually seen the horrors of war firsthand. He's seen dudes get eaten alive. I kind of wish he was our main character. Certainly more sympathetic than Eren the Whiny and Mikasa with a Personality like Rice Paper.

Oh, right, I haven't mentioned Mikasa yet, have I?

 Maybe she's trying to compensate for all the over-acting by under-acting.

Yeah, she's the bland sensible one. Not a whole lot else to say. Let's get back to Eren the Whiny.

His mom tells him that she doesn't want her son to just become fodder for the titans, since people who go out of their way to hunt them tend to get eaten. A lot. Because we can't have a scene with Eren where he isn't shrieking at someone or something, he yells at his mom for not letting him wantonly get himself killed.

But mom, if I'm not at the front lines, who's going to whine at the titans?!

Oh yeah, and his dad leaves and gives him a key. Whatever.

We get introduced to another guy named Armin.

Sure, he kind of looks like Mello, but thankfully, far more sensible.

Our very first outing with him is pretty pretentious with him pulling the whole "You're acting like animals, so I already won" card. Honestly, though, it makes him a lot more sympathetic than Eren. At least he's trying to be a decent human being, even though he's kind of pompous about it.

Hell, later on, when Eren goes back to his shriekfest about how everyone's a stupid coward, Armin ends up saying that he can understand why people are thinking the way they are. At least he understands the issue before he condemns people universally. I'd probably like this guy if he didn't just act as one more way to make sure the universe revolves around Eren.

What? Oh, yes. He also says the no one's really safe in the wall and it's a matter of time. Thanks, Armin. Thanks for vindicating Eren. Again. Of course, this wouldn't be quite complete without the universe vindicating him–

Ah, there we go.

So Eren starts running back home hoping to find his mom (no doubt after painting "I Told You So" on his metaphorical "The End Is Nigh" sign). He finds out that she's trapped underneath a collapsed building and her legs are crushed. Random soldier from the first few minutes comes by to try to save the day. He first tries to take on the titan one-on-one, but thinks better of it and grabs the kids and runs off, as per mom's instructions.

Eren, being the petulant child that he is, whines and shrieks and tries to get the soldier guy to put him down, and he watches in horror as his mom gets omnomnom'd by the titan with the unbelievably massive gumline.

You know, given that this level of shock value and gore is part of what people keep telling me is the selling point of this anime, among other things I keep hearing are selling points of other anime, I tend to think that American Anime Fans have this tendency to attribute greater value to something if it has more explicit or suggestive content, regardless of whether it actually contributes anything to the story or if it has any real value.

I mean, you want super suggestive content? Giant naked people who eat people alive. Take that, censorship!

So in the end, the mom of the guy who I don't care about dies. Oh no?

To be fair, she's a far more sympathetic character than Eren was.

In short, my problem with this pilot is... I don't care. I don't care about Eren. I don't care about Mikasa. I barely care about Armin, but I only really cared on my second watch-through because I know he gets cooler later on. I know, from this point on, though, that Eren is going to be vindicated over and over and over. I knew this asshole was going to be our hero and that he wouldn't change because he was right from episode one, and if you can believe it, I actually think this series is at its worst about 8 or 9 episodes in.

So, with all the hate I laid on this episode, I suppose I should give some manner of constructive criticism. What would I do to improve this show?

Actually, I do have an answer, and it's not "Ream Eren With a Rusty, Burning Pike."

Make Eren someone okay with the status quo.

It sounds weird, but think about this.

Eren would like how things are. He'd be secure in the walls. He'd have a friend, Armin, a dude who's a lot more realistic and analytical. Armin realizes that it's only a matter of time before the titans find a way past the wall. Scouts come back with horror stories about finding titans 50x bigger than the normal ones, and how they wiped out entire settlements outside the wall. It wouldn't really get Eren, and he'd insist that this is something that's really far away, and that Armin insists that they need to prepare.

Armin insisting that preparations need to be made would be better because he's reasonable. He's smart, and he can demonstrate it. Eren, if he was someone okay with the status quo and works to help people out, he might be a far more sympathetic character. He's naïve, sure, but he cares about people. He honors the military because he realizes that they risk a lot, but doesn't completely appreciate the risks they take because, again, he thinks it's far, far away.

The city can't be on the verge of panic. The scouts come back with the horror stories, but also make it seem like things are going well. The titans are quiet, for the most part. Hint at what they are at that time, then drop the rumors of the Colossal Titan, but also make it seem like the humans are close to winning. Dangle that hope in their faces.

THEN you destroy the status quo. THEN you see the Colossal Titan breach the wall. THEN you shatter Eren's worldview. THEN you see the big-gummed titan eat his mom, and suddenly, he's lost a lot more. You feel a lot more for Eren. Not only has he lost his mom, he lost his lifestyle, he lost his security, he lost people that he helped out. We feel a lot more for him, and Armin can try comforting him by telling him that he wishes things didn't end this way, but there is something they can do, then they join the military.




It's not a perfect solution and needs some of the kinks worked out, but honestly, it would be an improvement.

As it is, though, I didn't care. The only reason I ended up seeing more was that a friend of mine forced me to watch more of this tripe, and I gave up after 8-9 episodes. I'll talk about it more later. Until then, Timere Defectum.

Attack on Titan is the property of Hajime Isayama. Fullmetal Alchemist is the property of Hiromu Arakawa. The Walking Dead is the property of Image Comics. Godzilla is the property of Tohou. Death Note is property of Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata.